Natural Philosophy
by Lalaithe
Summary: The tyranny of days... A lost letter from Joneleth, finally brought to light.


Author's Note: A letter from the 'lost' files of a certain Shadows of Amn villain. AU, Bioware owns all! Except the surname, I made that up.

"I pause here to write with what I confess is a trembling hand. Perhaps future generations may judge me bold in this exposition, but as I stand on the cusp of remarkable events I feel the need to preserve my thoughts, to chronicle even in a brief way the path that has led me to what will no doubt be my greatest experiment. There will be ample time in the future to make a detailed account what is about to transpire, but for now it must wait.

We of the elven kind are often looked upon by other races with envy and contempt alike. They observe us frolicking and feasting, making merry for untold centuries, avoiding the care and toil which so plague those who live out their short time in poverty and fear. But little do they consider the monotony, the tyranny of endless days surrounded by the same people, the same trees, the same books. So many years wasted drinking and dancing, gazing upon the stirring, almost painful beauty of my city and my Queen—but beauty inevitably grows familiar and plain. If one regards the base and the grotesque for long enough one may discover hidden charms, but for what greater perfection can beauty ever hope? Yet we are taught from our earliest infancy that it is the ideal, and all things which are considered not of beauty are swept away, hidden. The effect? Constant exposure to perfection numbs the spirit like endless wine. It is little wonder then so many of my kin whittle away their lives in mindless merriment, for if they were forced to look plainly at their world they would despair.

And so I took respite in my studies. The arcane art already mastered over the centuries I developed an interest in natural philosophy. How fascinating to study the very essences of life! The less objective-minded of my race and others consider the power of the gods to be absolute, but I understood that there were rules that even they dared not shift and I poured myself into their discovery. By use of crystal lenses I learned of the invisible substances that make a flower a flower, and not an ant, nor an elf. With practice and control I learned to manipulate these substances so they combined in ways I chose. In humour did I regard the new species of blooms that would grace my Queen's garden, and the previously unseen insects that crawled over them. But such experiments, though diverting, were still far below what I knew could be accomplished.

I turned my attentions to more sophisticated organisms. How many of the birds and small warm things of the city did live out their lives under my gaze, often ending there as well. It was at this time the first murmurs of disapproval at my work were uttered. I remember in particular my Queen's shock whilst I demonstrated to the court a device that removed air from a chamber, properly called a _vacuum_, and its effects on a songbird. With what contempt did I regard their hysterical cries whilst the bird lay fluttering and gasping within the glass—I could hardly show the effects of a lack of atmosphere without a living creature, there was no other way. In truth I might have been less cynical of their shock had the party not just finished a meal of pheasant and hare. Hypocrisy ever abounds.

Ironically, it was my study of death that led to my greatest leaps in the understanding of life. I developed a great curiosity for the mortal shells left behind when the spirit flees; what strange, delicate little houses they are. With careful manipulation of electric shocks I even discovered I could resurrect recently deceased creatures, not as undead, but truly alive once more. That divine power, once the sole province of the priests and the gods, now enacted at my whim! But my greatest discovery was yet to come. Small shocks applied to a certain combination of essences caused them to join and grow; I could not believe my eyes, for I had created _life_. Not the magical life that springs from a summoned creature or a mindless golem, but true life—the same shared by the multitude of commonplace yet remarkable creatures that are born and die every day in this world. The power of the gods unravelled and taken from their greedy grasp by the ingenuity of the mortal mind.

But the concern over my work grew stronger, and as whispers of my studies left the palace gates I became an embarrassment to the court. I found myself admonished by priests and pleaded with by my Queen, saying my experiments violated the natural order. But what violation could there be, when I merely recreated that which nature herself saw fit to make? I violated nothing. I tried to open their eyes to knowledge, but in vain. So I bowed to their wishes, or so I made it seem. In fact I merely relocated my primary studies outside the city. It proved to be a blessing in disguise, for with no one watching over my shoulder I could conduct experiments I never would have dreamed of performing before.

It was no great difficulty to have travellers captured and brought to me; a little gold as ever all that was needed to turn humans' hands against their kin. A few halflings and even dwarves made their way to my table and my knowledge of anatomy grew. Elves have always maintained a prudish antipathy towards dissection but for the sake of understanding I see no problems. How remarkable to open a man and see his heart pumping, his very life's blood flowing through his veins. To open a woman and see the child growing within. One realises how perfect the body is, and how frail. With my new knowledge I even learned to duplicate life, to create infinite twins of the same child. The most primal mysteries of existence were now open to my gaze.

By my comments thus far one would think that my studies had met with universal disapproval, but nothing could be further from the truth. Ever had I entertained curious seekers who looked upon my experiments with wonder and quiet admiration. Because of prejudices they could not openly express approval, but they waited with as much excitement as I the results of my latest work. Many a cloaked visitor made their way to my chambers after darkness and once I moved outside the city this did not change. The most ardent of these supporters was a lady named Bodhi. Of a fine family, she shared my fascination with life even if she was not partial to study in my way. In my advanced experiments she provided great assistance in acquiring subjects and materials without arousing the suspicions of the priests and other doubters. So strong was her zeal she even took to calling me her 'brother'. Indeed, her designs were greater than mine; for where I merely wished to learn, she desired to rise. She thought it possible for us to overcome the greatest of all hurdles, to become truly immortal, gods in our own right. By channelling the power of the Tree of Life through ourselves we could become divine. I confess I hesitated; while I saw the possibilities I knew that such an act would have a disastrous effect on the city. Not only that, but my betrothed Queen has her life bound to the Tree, and to harm it would be to harm her. But surely there is enough essence in the Tree of Life to share.

Perhaps by coincidence my Queen begged me once more to abandon my studies. Surely the court suspected the nature of my more advanced experiments, even if they never addressed them openly. Could such work truly go undetected? Even intoxicated eyes are not so blind. Ellesime pleaded with me to remember love, and on my love for her to give up what she considered madness. I—nearly complied. All other obstacles can be overcome but that pull on the heart—it robs one of clarity. The soft and tender emotions are like a rot in the brain. How close did I come to giving way to her gentle words, her hair like the sunlight, her eyes greener than even the leaves on the great Tree. I knew then that I could not convince her by words of the benefits of my actions, the proof must lie in deeds.

For I do not act simply for my own advantage, but rather the advantage of the entire elven race. I could harness a power that would allow me to bring my wisdom to all, to raise them out of the antiquated fears and superstitions that hold them back. I could smash the barriers that stand between us and 'forbidden' knowledge. For that is the true reason the elven race is failing—not because of the Drow or the humans, but our own unwillingness to change. If I learned anything through my studies it is that organisms which do not adapt, will die. The Drow are correct when they say that the strong will survive. Even humans have a rudimentary understanding of this concept, indeed their entire society seems built around that fact. But elves are too focused on the idea of a community, a collective spirit. The elven race is a monolith, overburdened, and it cannot move. It is being crushed under its own weight while the more agile frolic around us. Our vaunted superiority is a lie. We are mortal animals, the same as any other. The past means nothing. In a universe of change triumph is fleeting, and must be ever pursued.

But my 'sister' calls to me. The time has come. I shall grasp at that flame of knowledge and carry it down the mountain, holding it high for all to see. My hand is still shaking. Fear—yes, fear, I will admit it. But I will continue. For a truly brave philosopher is not afraid to conduct research on the greatest of all subjects—himself.

In Knowledge and Grace—

_Joneleth Tel'Anorlindar_, _Suldanessellar,Year of—_"


End file.
